Having spent last week with a group of over-achievers at our Utah Camp, I’ve been thinking about satisfaction. Where we live, what we do, with whom we do it — over the short term, it can feel like we have little control. However, over long time horizons we have a huge impact on our lives.

Each of us will create our own lives. You might as well do it right, in your own style.

Here’s what I’ve found out so far…

Rationality
Feelings of well being are irrational. Winning is an illusion but it still feels good.

I’ve known chronically dissatisfied people that appear to have it all. Make sure that you are spending time on items that appeal to your core nature. It’s been easier to modify my situation than my attitude. That’s probably why I moved around so much in my 30s!

Relativity
Live where you can succeed daily at things you value.

There is a strong correlation between relative performance and feelings of well being. Whether your values are monetary, fitness, beauty, height, artistic skill, race results — being able to succeed daily is important for personal satisfaction.

Many of us are unsure of our values. If you are unsure of your values then “invert” and consider the situations that get under your skin. Items that provoke anger, fear or envy are bumping against a core value. Avoidance is a legit coping strategy!

Structure
Ironman is the perfect example of letting an external goal define one’s life. Tens of millions of dollars (and hours) are spent chasing a goal of relative performance — whether it’s completing an impossible feat for co-workers; qualifying for World Champs; or winning the race. The event provides effective and socially acceptable structure for many lives.

As for ironman being “good” or “bad” — that depends on your values.

Space
Whether it’s your “easy day,” or time to communicate in your marriage, busy people need to schedule their unscheduled time.

Feelings of dissatisfaction often arrive from seeking to fit too much (of a good thing) into our lives. An effective life requires constant paring down of obligations as well as saying “no” to attractive opportunities.

Achievement
Satisfaction comes from doing well, busy comes from doing lots.