When someone comes to me for advice on starting a business, most often they are not really looking for advice. These budding entrepreneurs are looking for someone to listen to them talk about starting their business and often hoping that the listener will be inspired to invest.

I find the same is true in triathlon. Now people are coming to me asking for advice on their training. Usually they are three weeks out from their A race. They are not really looking for advice, but rather reassurance. My responses to both entrepreneurs and triathletes who just want to be heard is very similar, “Do your homework and follow your heart.”

We are all guilty of starting with the wrong questions. Instead of thinking about starting a business or changing your training, I try to get people to change the question. How do you want to change your life? If you had no parameters and no obstacles, what would the perfect life for you look like? In late 2009, I reexamined my own life and made some adjustments for 2010.

Personal: My relationship is the foundation for my life. When it works, everything works. If something is difficult, everything is difficult. We periodically do “State of the Union” reviews where we discuss every aspect of our life such as personal, financial, parenting and social areas. We grade each area and talk about ways to improve or deepen our connection. After 13 years, I am incredibly happy and I have a “Coach” at home who encourages me to explore my world; business, triathlon and travel.

Business: I love my work but my role changed with the competency of my management team. I often found myself “babysitting” at work — not because I was needed, but because I thought that was what I should be doing. In January, I went to a three day work week and relinquished the reins to my COO (Chief Operating Officer) and the management team. The result? We are on track for our best year ever.

Intellectual Growth: When the year started I found myself bored. It was time to try new things. In 2010, I:

• Attended a technology conference (SXSW Interactive)
• Hired a tutor to learn html/css
• Opened two new businesses
• Started seriously writing at least once per week
• Hired a tutor to learn wordpress
• Registered to attend training to be a USAT Level I coach
• Started coaching triathletes

My brain is now as active as my body and I feel that energy permeate all areas of my life.

Training: With my family’s support, I increased my training hours, intensity and focus. Only working three days a week enables me to get my longest days knocked out while my daughter is in school. Training more requires:

• More organization (I now use my Ironman checklist for my long training days)
• Technological efficiency to work remotely
• Increased attention to sleep (more naps)
• Improvements in my already healthy diet

Some unintended consequences were that my life became “distilled” down to what was true to our values. Social activities were reduced and now we focus on things we truly want to do and not what we should do.

Experience has proven that the only obstacle in creating an elite life has been me. The key is avoiding turning on your living cruise control. How? Take the time to frequently reflect and assess your life. Involve other people who don’t care about hurting your feelings and genuinely want to help you live a better life. Ask yourself:

• Where am I?
• Where am I going?
• What would I like to change?
• Am I the obstacle?

In all of us, an elite life exists. Do your homework. Follow your heart. Choose your life.